Growing up and letting go - sporting your life vicariously

At 17 it's come down to a battle of wills.

Miss does not want to play club hockey this year. We already agreed that the representative competitions weren't going to be a feature, it still  seems to be about favouritism and who knows who, who's the coach and who's the manager, I'm not saying that the daughters of the various "officials" get picked, it might be the other way around, that it's accidental that the players are picked then oh can mum or dad be the coach/manager/etc.

Anyway we long ago decided that it wasn't fair or proper to insist on Miss participating in a short season of representative grade hockey, and frankly it's a cheaper option.  She has played for various A grade and occasional B grade teams over many years, and this year enough is enough, there wasn't going to be enough excitement in it. Besides which it could encroach on earning opportunities and a part-time job

School Hockey is fine, we're down with that, and I think she was hoping to be captain of the 1st XI this year, secretly if not openly. It may come to pass, she has a reasonable chance, but then it's down to the coach. And the coach is the same one that coaches the rep team. We'll see how that plays out.

But club hockey is another thing altogether. She played for the championship winning team last year, as probably the youngest team member, alongside a couple of very good current and ex black-stick and junior black-stick players, acquitted herself well, scored a couple of goals and generally seemed to enjoy it.

This year though after the summer break it seems that the fun isn't there any more.

And this is where, as a parent, it gets tough. I think we've been pretty fair and even in pushing and insisting on sports and achievements. Not to the point of forcing her to play, but making sure that we supported and encouraged where possible and supported the decisions that she wanted to make. It's cost us a fair bit of money too, it's not cheap, kit, travel, turf fees, club fees , physio visits, gym memberships etc.

With age and experience I'd prefer that she continued, at least for this year, at least untill she went to University, or got a job, and then I'd be happy to let it go. Accept that adulthood and decision-making has arrived and needs to be respected. I've even suggested that she start the season and then decide.

On reflection though this would be quitting, and I've never let my children quit half way through a team commitment.

So I have a quandary, give up and let go, or push because that's what I'd like to see happen.

Living your life vicariously - the sporting edition

I may have covered this already. But daughter shows a surprisingly good aptitude for field hockey. She's been playing years and has gathered a fair number of player of the day's, player of the year, most improved, and best team member awards. Some of them against 'international' teams (that's other school teams on the world tour) but still hey they chose it not me.

She's also a farily well thought of umpire and has picked up a number of age grade awards and medals and is a New Zealand grade umpire, and she umpires at a high level.

So fair to say we think her achievements are pretty cool, and that we pretty proud of her.

This year was rather difficult however, she wasn't picked in the Under 18A team, the reason given was fitness, which turned out to be pretty accurate, but she did get to go umpire the same tournament as the youngest umpire. Yeah we're proud.

The U18 team did go on to win the tournament,  despite being a player short through injury - daughter having pulled out from the "b" team wasn't considered as a replacement.

And as with all age grade sporting codes it's come down to not what you do it's who you know. There was some very contentious decisions to take average ability players into a U21 team, and there is a very clique-like "elite" sports clinic that is by invitation only.

There is also currently a "Senior" squad that is made up of "up and coming" players again by invitation only, and daughter although made aware of the team invitation (she was copied by email), wasn't invited.

Seems she's offside with at least one of the selectors.

But we've always said that it's her choice to play or chose to play or not, and that we'd support her decisions and actions.

Today though the "Senior" squad finds itself a bit short and they've come cap-in-hand to get her to play against a Queensland team. And this is where it gets interesting since I'd like her to play to prove a point and to have some fun, and she is saying no.

It's not easy living your life vicariously!