Happy Families - yes you've left home but.....

MrsPdubyah and me, well we're a nuclear family, 2 adults, 2 children, cat, or more correctly now 4 adults and cat.

Even more correctly 3 adults at home and one who's left to be an adult. The only constant is the cat, and there are plans to get a kitten, it's not a good thing.

The transition from at home to away isn't a clear cut as you'd think. Number one son remains top of mind for MrsPdubyah.

And to be honest I'm about as bad, if not worse. #1 son tells us that they have everything they need, and that they're saving to get the better things. Now as an aside this doesn't appear to hold them back in the buying of needful things like DVD's and gadgets, but that would be mean spirited of me to point out.

Anyway, my  weak moment came when I know that boy child, who has to wear safety shoes for work essentially destroyed them, and they've been hanging off his feet. In a moment of madness I brought him new ones. Not cheap ones mind, because they come in cheap, mid and executive . But enough.

I'm compelled however to balance this out and so I spent an equal amount, after negotiation, on upgrading the iPod for girl child.

I'm poorer and yet richer for the experience.

MrsPdubyah, you'd think would be more pragmatic. I don't think she is.

The latest thing is a bed. Now when you're being frugal and on a budget that would make a monk frown, what you get is what you get, and so they have what is best described as "average" by way of a bed. Lucky for boy child there is a tax rebate, and as such he's in a position to upgrade from fleapit to actual bed.

Have you ever noticed however that everything you want is at least 10%, and often 25% or more than you want to pay.  You can get a fairly decent bed for $700, and a really decent one for $1,000 (New Zealand Peso's) (and they are long term investment, I'm not canvassing where to buy a cheap bed) (comes with a 10 year warranty)

So in a 2-1 deal we'll make the difference between want to spend, and what we want them to spend.

This we justify in out heads as the difference between not being able afford more than noodles for lunch, and having to cut back on chocolate to afford bread, and for a thing that makes a difference. A big thing. Sure we could provide food, but you've left home, fend for yourself, however in the reality of things a bed is pretty important, you spend 1/3 of your life in one asleep, and being young a significant amount more staying awake.

So we're sticking to out guns, you've left home, make your own way, but just in case keep us in the loop because we're a soft touch for some things. Not that we have to be, or that in some way what you're doing is different to what we did when we were at the same stage of life, but we know it's hard, and there is a difference, relative to, the amount of money you need to make a difference and don't have, to what the same amount money means to us. In the big scheme of things.

And we're not a soft touch, there isn't a bottomless money pit. And can I have my credit card back please.

 

Trying Teen Times – Part the Seventh - Getting your life back

Sunday, 11am. We're mooching about the house with no plans, nothing left undone and no children in the house. Eldest is off for the weekend, as he has been for many months now, with his girlfriend. Youngest is working at her part-time job that she has had since before christmas.

Sunday 11am. We're mooching about the house with no plans, nothing left undone and no children in the house. We were going to go for a beachfront walk today, or the park, or both, we're so exciting, and today it's raining. So that's put the lid on that one.

Sunday 11am. Second coffee of the day for the Wife. Such is the day that it's still yesterdays newspaper that is being read.

Since out children have grown up and become very independent, particularly since they both have cars and their own circles of friends we've had to adjust to doing what we want to do, and when we want to do. We've rediscovered the joys of moping about town and having a coffee and croissant as our whim takes us, we've even had weekend breaks away without them.

But I can see where the stress of not having children around would take a toll on relationships, as much as having them when they are younger does. I can even understand why many marriages end in divorce at this stage of the relationship, if you don't have other things that bind you together and you're living your life vicariously though your children then it's all of a sudden a screeching halt on the day.

We're fortunate that we both have discussed this and we've both made a real effort to make an effort to do things together, we've seen this coming from afar, and I know that I talk to my colleagues and peers about what's happening and the empty nest syndrome.

It's liberating and refreshing of course, but it is hard work, and a lot of things we still need to do, and to rediscover. I'm sure there are many friends we've not met and many things left undone.

Now if only I can persuade my wife that I don't need a hobby of any sort and that I'm perfectly happy doing what I'm doing. And of course this means doing stuff like taking more pictures, reading and doing what she expects, but I'm pretty good at that sometimes.

Oh and not getting another cat, that would be a bit of a win. I'm sure we don't want to become crazy pet people who substitute dogs or cats for kids and tie themselves with a badge of courage for doing so, you know the type "I can't because of the dog..."

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